i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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