im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
