Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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