there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
