yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
