I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
