Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
