yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
