1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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