I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
