We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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