His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
