I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
