my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
