Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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