Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize