sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
