I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
