When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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