Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
