I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
