guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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