Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
