Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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