we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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