Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
