He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
