He is such a slut. More and more my type.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
