We're facebook friends in real life
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize