I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
