foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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