please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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