my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize