youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
