my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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