i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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