That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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