I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
