I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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