I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
