Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
