So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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