ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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