sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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