There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
