So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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