How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
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