If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
