Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
