You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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