I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I need a burrito and a hug.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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