Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
