So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
