Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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