just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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