the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
