I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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