"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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