he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
