I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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