I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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