So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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