He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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