i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
