We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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