saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
