best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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