WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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