Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize