I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
did i walk over a car last night?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
