She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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