Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just sucked dick on a ferry
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize