I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Come on in and take your pants off
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