btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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