we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
