bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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