The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize