I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
