yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
