peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
