Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize