how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
