i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Non-Jews are for practice
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
