apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
