Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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