Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
