dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
