I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
