I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
