What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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