I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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