Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
