i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
