Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
